Sunday 1st November 2015

Today is my birthday, I’m 44!

It’s been a quiet family day as I’ve not been feeling so great, but perfect and relaxing. I got loads of cards with beautiful messages in – quite emotional and I feel loved.

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We had a lovely sunday roast at the Lion pub, across the road – so nice not to have to cook too!

The rest of the day we’ve all been relaxing.  I’ve been sewing some comfortable bra tops.  I took all the underwires out from my right side of all my bras but the stitching still presses on the implant attachments – really really sore.  But I’ve been fed up wearing the soft crop tops as they’re not pretty and I’m really lopsided in them.  The left boob needs propping up (this will come in time with surgery but not until after my Herceptin has finished).  So got the sewing machine out and made some…… soft and comfortable for the new boob, but can hitch up the old boob to even out!

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We’ve also been painting – we’ve been doing some cards for Freya’s craft stall next Saturday.  But I’ve also started working on some butterfly designs for a tattoo for the new boob.  Will keep you updated on this project…..

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Earlier on in the week Freya and I had a lovely girly day – tea and cake with my friend, Lisa and her girls – so good to do something normal! Then met my mum, Michelle and adorable Amora for an early birthday lunch. Such a nice day before my next lot of drugs!

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The boys have been doing boy stuff – gaming on GTA mostly – Nathan and Lewis are quite sociable when they are on a heist together – sometimes even I forget it’s just a game! The amount of teamwork and planning it takes them to rob banks and drive fast cars! Luckily Nathan has put some effort into revising for his Maths exams next week too and he’s had some work experience at my friend who’s an accountant which went really well (thank you Sue). Poor Phil caught our cold so he’s spent his few days off work feeling ill – he’s on the mend now though.

Of course, we’ve managed to fit in some swimming too and we went to the cinema to see James Bond Spectre (brilliant!) and eat loads of popcorn, but I’ve been pretty exhausted – I think having a cold, then Herceptin, and change of drugs has knocked me for six this week. Don’t know how I’m going to do going back to work, just need to make sure I don’t get run down as my bloods were a little low this week.

We managed to decorate the house and bake for halloween…….I love halloween.  There’s been loads of photos of my 40th birthday party on Facebook!  I made Lewis a scarecrow head and painted Freya as Day of the Dead this year.  They had fun going out and we had loads of trick or treaters! Scary aren’t they?

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This exact day last year we had a wonderful family weekend away at the Wembley Hilton to see two of our favourite bands – Black Stone Cherry and Theory of a Deadman – unfortunately I was too poorly to see them again in April as it was just after my second chemo so maybe next year, who knows. It was an amazing weekend and one of my best birthdays ever. What a difference a year makes! This is a photo of us all on our way down in the lift!

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When you’re first told you have cancer you immediately feel you’ve been handed a death sentence. Especially as all you want to hear is the medical staff tell you everything will be fine, but of course they can’t tell you that, because they don’t know if it’ll be fine!

So today is rather special because this year I haven’t thought about my birthday at all. In fact I wasn’t even sure I would be here for my 44th birthday. But I am. I’m fighting this cancer and doing all I can to keep well and see more birthdays!

Phil asked me what I wanted for my birthday.  Nothing – I am so happy to be here with my family, how could I want anything material?  I have been given extra time!  I just want to make good memories with my family – and keep warm –  I may need some new ugg boots at some point when mine fall apart – we have the fire on a lot already! Thank you Phil x

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One of my presents was a diary for 2016. I’m still not planning anything ahead as my body doesn’t seem to cooperate very well but I think we all have to look to the future and forward – I’ve looked back over the last year and how close I came to not being here, and how quickly things change and it’s scary.  We all know this anyway but it’s human nature to just forget and carry on until we get a wake up call.  But now it’s time to look forward, day by day. I don’t think I’ll ever plan a year in advance again though – I’ve had to change drastically this year – I take each day as it comes and I’m grateful for every day I have with my family.

So next? Have meeting with my consultant, my next Muga scan, and more injections.  But I’m getting there, albeit slowly…..and only 7 weeks til christmas!!!! OMG!

 

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