These last few weeks have continued to be tough. I have been really trying to focus on keeping my mind in a positive place to keep me going. I’m trying to look good (well as good as I can) – hoping that I can give off a feel good vibe to myself – bit of a trick really. I am trying so hard!
But I pretty much hurt all the time now – I really do feel like a very old person – but I’m determined to keep smiling. It takes a lot of effort to get up in the mornings and move – I’m like the little old man from “Up” and my joints click a lot now. It’s difficult to describe but it’s like when you pull a muscle in your back – you lay down because you think that’s the best thing to do but when you try and move the pain is so bad – all over. My body is saying rest but on the other hand it can’t – I seize up if I sit or lay for any amount of time. Really difficult as I also feel I could sleep for a very long time – like sleeping beauty (without the beauty bit!) – the fatigue is getting to me too. I am having to take a small dose of Diazepam to help my muscles relax of a night – I’m trying not to up this!
So, what to do? That is the question!
It’s not an option to come off the chemo – I must complete this to give me the best chance of keeping the cancer at bay. But only 4 more to go – it’ll take time to get out of my system but hopefully some of the side effects will begin to ease later this year.
I went to discuss my options with the hospital physiotherapist – she confirmed that I am doing absolutely everything I could be doing to help myself. I don’t want to go down the pain killer route as the side effects will prevent me from doing so much (driving, walking, exercising etc etc), plus the addiction worry – they zone me out so much! The only thing she thought could help more is if I up my fitness regime and try and use weights to strengthen my muscles – hence support my bones and hope to relieve some of the pain on my joints. So this is my new experiment!
My list of self help:
Eating healthy – plenty of vegetables – especially green leafy – lots of vitamins and calcium for the bones!
Keeping my mind positive – I will discuss this later!
Exercise – swimming, yoga, pilates, gym routine, walking – strengthen and feel good!
Heat bags, Hot baths with epsom salts – also sauna, steam room and jacuzzi – heat helps so much!
Tiger balm, ibuprofen gel, Massage – I have been trying to have massages whenever I can. I also massage my own arm, shoulder and neck every day.
Relaxation to help me sleep – been trying the chakra sleep relation – sends me to sleep quickly but I still wake up nearly every hour dues to the hot sweats.
You get the idea! I’m trying everything and more! But I think I need a proper spa day!
Exercising through the pain takes a very strong mind and determination – must be like running the marathon every day – I haven’t run a marathon so I’m guessing! I’m having to really listen to my body as to not do any major damage but to also try and push myself through the pain barrier – those good exercise endorphines make me feel good. And last week my muscles hurt so much that my bones didn’t hurt! Nice change! I just hope Dr Chakravorty was right that if I broke anything he could mend me! I am determined not to curl up in a corner and give up! Never give up!
So my inspiration at the moment is still the Walking Dead – we love this so much and it’s torture having to wait every week for the next episode! Daryl is our fav – please don’t kill him off! Lucky I have my own Daryl at home called Phil – he’s such a redneck – he could protect us from zombies! But no, you cannot have a crossbow darling!
Of course we still love “Say Yes to the Dress” – even Phil knows what a sweetheart neckline and a mermaid skirt is now! But I’m also loving “Long Island Medium” – she’s great! I love the idea of still hanging around after death! I am sure my spirit family and friends are helping me through this – especially my dad.
Bear Grylls: Mission Survive (the island is back soon too!). He is so positive, determined and focused – he shows how you can adapt to any situation….. here are some of his inspirational quotes….
This month has been important as I managed to meet up with some ladies from our March Marvels – a wonderful group of truly amazing ladies all going through Breast Cancer – we all started our first chemotherapy in March 2015 and we’ve supported each other throughout online – it would have been so much more difficult without them all. I needed to meet my online friends in person – no matter what! Although it’s taken me a week to recover from the journey – totally exhausting, but worth it! But it’s also made me realise that travelling very far is not an option at the moment and I have to be sensible.
I’ve been really trying to make the effort to socialise and see our friends and family too – this is good for Phil – he’s been through so much too – he deserves some fun. I can only manage a few hours at a time though and I need to rest a lot more but it’s worth it. So we’ve started our “Come Dine with Me” meals. First one was 80s night!
We’re also planning to go away for a much needed break in our caravan to the Norfolk broads for a few days – and celebrate Nathan’s 16th Birthday. Then we have Freya’s 11th Birthday. And then Phil’s 49th Birthday – April is busy! We’ll also be hosting our “Come Dine” – get ready for Hawaiian night!
Tomorrow is my Number 14 Herceptin injection. I’ve also got to have a mammogram and ultrasound – busy day – I’m going to be exhausted! Then Dr Chakravorty next week to discuss results. Then I have an appointment to discuss the removal of my ovaries. Then before I know it my next Herceptin. We’re on countdown now! So lots of hospital appointments as usual – I am such a regular!
Will keep you all up to date – love to you all x