Monday 22nd June 2015

Since last week I have managed to go out with friends, Lisa and Kate, for lunch, thank you girls.

On Thursday walking home from school, Freya told me that she had been asked to choose someone they most admired, they looked up to and who they would like to be like.  I was totally expecting a ‘Taylor Swift’ answer! But she said me! ME!?! She said she wanted to be like me when she grew up.  I had felt a bit down and fed up last week, so lump in the throat was major! I so had to hold it together.  I was so shocked.  Bless her heart, when I asked her, why?, she said she liked the way I always wanted to make everything better for everybody! Yes! I do.  I was overwhelmed to say the least, say no more as I’m sure you can imagine how proud and happy I felt.  And just in a few words she had given me more strength to continue this war against cancer!

Also had a beautiful long email from a friend in New Zealand – really emotional – thank you Caroline  x

On Friday Phil managed to get some time off work and we got permission to take the children out of school to have a much needed family day out before more treatment. We went to the owl and bird of prey sanctuary at Stonham Barns near Ipswich – we actually only spent a few hours there as I was really cold (even through 3 layers and Phil’s coat on top), plus I get so tired, it’s frustrating! But we had fun and we all enjoyed it. We got to see the baby birds in the nursery! Cute. Just doing something completely different helped me forget everything for a while – it was good to see the kids laugh! I had almost forgotten what it was like to get out of the village too (except for the supermarket and hospital). Anyway, we did stop off to get some food supplies and then came home and chilled. Good day.

2015-06-19 10.30.33 2015-06-19 11.19.40 2015-06-19 11.18.55 2015-06-19 11.13.06

On Saturday I was exhausted, but Freya went into colchester for a girlie shopping day with Mandy and Emma – thank you girls – she had a fab time x

On Sunday I woke up and checked emails. I had a message from the Lottery saying I needed to log on. OMG! the excitement. Phil was already up! But I leapt out of bed (as much as I can leap at the moment – I’m a bit like the old man from ‘Up!’ in the mornings), trying not to be too excited because I do get excited over everything! I logged on and we’d won £25!! Never won before! I do hope this is a start of good things to come. Phil said it would have been better if it had been £25 million. But I was so happy with £25!! Must admit that a million would help even more though but I am sure there are people more needy than us.

It was open gardens in the village – usually we would open our garden, not this year. But Freya had her little shop at the front – she had made lots of crafts, and baked doggy biscuits – she did well and raised some money for charity too – her breast cancer peg dollies were so popular. My lovely sis Michelle, Paul and Amora came to visit and we wandered round the gardens and stayed for tea – another good day. Tiring though.

Today I have been to Physiotherapy, nice and early 8.30am appointment! So good not to have a delay. So I endured quite a lot of pain but totally doable. It was good pain! Plus we laughed at how my old boob slides insignificance when I lay down but the new one just sits there like a little hill nice and upright! Amy, the physiotherapist, said she didn’t see many women who had had reconstruction – good sign maybe??? Anyway, she managed to snap a few of the cords in my gammy arm which has made it feel better today. They don’t know much about cording but the body seems to make extra fibrous scar tissue after surgery. What they do know is that it gets better in time. Amy was lovely and reassured me that so long as I stayed away from my armpit area, that I could massage and pull the cords and wouldn’t do any damage. She feels quite confident I will get some good movement ready for Radiotherapy in a week or so. Unfortunately a side effect of radio is skin damage and tightness, plus you have to have your arm bent up and behind your head. At the moment I have difficulty doing this. So this was all positive news. Will see her again this Friday.

Came home and have chilled today. Did some baking. Made a few more peg dollies – this time bridesmaids for a friend who is getting married. Freya has had overload of making the dollies so we’re going to do a jigsaw together she got given on our open garden tour! I’m going to continue doing some peg dollies as it’s so relaxing – I may do some brides and grooms to sell and some fairies for christmas – happy stuff. Freya is going to make some butterflies too – this was Amora’s idea! bless her!

Today Nathan has been on work experience walking dogs – his hayfever is terrible too but he enjoyed the day. Lewis had a good day too as he’s got a team building week of activities before he goes off to his Year 7 trip at Mersea next week. We laughed as some of the silly movies he’d taken on his phone.

So that’s what we’ve been up to. Pretty good, except that the Stag has a broken gear box and our toilet has broken! GGGRRRR. I may be sick but things still go wrong.

I feel a bit more positive too that we have some nice days to look forward to and lots of family parties. But it’s still difficult to look any further ahead than the next hospital appointment at the moment. I am totally dreading Herceptin day on Wednesday, but all organised as Phil will stay with me in the morning and Michelle is going to relieve him at lunchtime and stay the rest of the time with me. I am so happy to have some company. Scared though.

We’ve also talked more about the possibility of going on holiday later this summer. It gives me something to aim for too. Depends on a lot of things but I really hope we can go as I can’t even think of waiting til next year at the moment. I know it’s not important to a lot of people but we as a family need to just chill by a pool and rest in some nice warm sunshine, eat nice food, get away to somewhere different and just be together to build some good memories. Needless to say I have already found a lovely villa in Spain near the beach with it’s own pool – perfect! Just need to some how pay for it and flights and be well enough to travel!

It’s so difficult to explain how you feel when diagnosed with cancer and going through treatment – so much is taken away from you. Whereas I used to plan so much in advance, now there is a sort of urgency to do some nice stuff when you feel ok – just in case! It’s all about building memories as it makes you realise that every day is so precious and at any time it could totally fall apart. It feels a bit like when there’s been a major disaster in the world – just makes you appreciate things.

I think I will feel better when Herceptin day is done – I will be fine. I feel fitter. I don’t hurt as much – still feel sunburnt, still tightness and some sharp nerve pains but more bearable, still not sleeping well and still night sweats. But on the whole I feel I am getting there. Still feel something is going to break in the new implant but I am assured it will be ok!

My hair is also growing at rocket speed! I look like a baby chick head now – all fluffy and furry! I get stroked a lot now. I still try and avoid mirrors but it’s not as bad. I also have a bit of a sun tan – even with factor 30!

As for the new boob – I’m finding the oddness difficult – it feels and looks odd. I don’t do odd! With clothes on it’s good. But if I look in the mirror topless I have to look at myself as a medical experiment – once i’m in that frame of mind I am ok – then I am extremely impressed! I can deal with it. Feels good the cancer has been cut out too and that’s the main thing.

If I stay one boobed I will be decorating the new coconut boob with a tattoo! I love a bit of design work. Thinking of a twirly twine with 5 small butterflies to symbolise our family – if I’m going to be odd then I might as well be really odd. Not sure they will do this on the NHS though! I think new nipples are their limit. We’ll see – I’ll keep you posted on that one.

Well, that’s the update. Just need the sun to come out again but at the moment I am happy with some Clover cuddles and my family x


2 thoughts on “Monday 22nd June 2015

  1. I am sure everything will be just fine on Wednesday, you have been through so much you deserve some good luck :-). Getting planning that holiday with your family and make lots of happy memories to add to many more you will have xx


  2. Interesting read again Trace, certainly alot going on in your life at the moment, you as I’ve said before have every reason to be apprehensive about the forthcoming treatment with herceptin, we’re all praying things will go well and you’re soon be feeling much better. Will certainly be thinking alot about you on Wednesday, so glad Michelle can be with you for company, ….love


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