Have managed to calm myself a little since Monday’s near death experience. Scared of the next chemo but trying not to think too much about it. Need to get a hospital bag packed, contact my oncologist to discuss specifics of the plan for next time – which from what I remember is lots more anti sickness, antihistamine, anti anxiety and fluids via IV. Lesser dose of chemo so not to shock my body and given much slower. Plus admitted into hospital and observed! It needs to work and I need to stay calm. Seems impossible. Options are:
- The chemo kills me by septic or sepsis shock and my white cells diminish allowing infection and attacks my vital organs!
- The chemo kills the cancer and my white cells learn to play hide and seek better – let’s aim for this one!
- My body goes into shock again but I survive which means no more chemo and straight to surgery – not best option as cancer needs controlling.
Nothing has been straightforward so far!
So now is day 7 after chemo 1. Still feels like the worse hangover EVER. But not being sick. Had agonising constipation this morning – mainly from the drugs and terrible stodgy hospital food. Really wasn’t prepared for this on top of everything else. But thanks to Facebook my friends rallied round as usual with some stronger meds. Another for the list to organise. After about an hour I pooped the biggest poop ever and had a lovely bath. This helped as I spent this time relaxing and pretending I was a mermaid!!
Feeling more positive today as had a spontaneous visit from my beautiful sis to give me a much needed hug before she jets off for a week of sun in Egypt. Gutted we’ve had to cancel our holidays this year but will make the most of our lovely garden instead. Plus if I feel like this every few weeks I can’t think of anything worse than traveling! Even with sick bands!
Today watermelon is just soooo good! Hopefully the nausea, shakes, headache and weakness will ease soon. I think then my hair will fall so need to get scarf shopping!