Have managed to calm myself a little since Monday’s near death experience. Scared of the next chemo but trying not to think too much about it. Need to get a hospital bag packed, contact my oncologist to discuss specifics of the plan for next time – which from what I remember is lots more anti sickness, antihistamine, anti anxiety and fluids via IV. Lesser dose of chemo so not to shock my body and given much slower. Plus admitted into hospital and observed! It needs to work and I need to stay calm. Seems impossible. Options are:
- The chemo kills me by septic or sepsis shock and my white cells diminish allowing infection and attacks my vital organs!
- The chemo kills the cancer and my white cells learn to play hide and seek better – let’s aim for this one!
- My body goes into shock again but I survive which means no more chemo and straight to surgery – not best option as cancer needs controlling.
Nothing has been straightforward so far!
So now is day 7 after chemo 1. Still feels like the worse hangover EVER. But not being sick. Had agonising constipation this morning – mainly from the drugs and terrible stodgy hospital food. Really wasn’t prepared for this on top of everything else. But thanks to Facebook my friends rallied round as usual with some stronger meds. Another for the list to organise. After about an hour I pooped the biggest poop ever and had a lovely bath. This helped as I spent this time relaxing and pretending I was a mermaid!!
Feeling more positive today as had a spontaneous visit from my beautiful sis to give me a much needed hug before she jets off for a week of sun in Egypt. Gutted we’ve had to cancel our holidays this year but will make the most of our lovely garden instead. Plus if I feel like this every few weeks I can’t think of anything worse than traveling! Even with sick bands!
Today watermelon is just soooo good! Hopefully the nausea, shakes, headache and weakness will ease soon. I think then my hair will fall so need to get scarf shopping!
Battle of Britten 
Hi Tracey,
I absolutely loved seeing you today and giving you hugs and kisses. It was so great, almost being normal again, but instead of flicking through the Next catalogue it was looking at head scarves and the Marsden Cook book 🙂 . I feel so helpless along with everyone else. But our little helps I know are helping you big time. I hope we didn’t wear you out too much and I know we stayed longer than expected and musn’t do this again as you need to rest. I can’t believe you have found the strength or brain to write tonight after only leaving you a few hours ago. Your Blog is so good and helpful to you and everyone around you X
Well….my sister…what can I say. She is the most caring, sharing, loving, selfless, considerate person ever and you don’t need me to say how god awlful all this pain she is experieinceing is so undeserved. But as her family we will do all we can to help her and her family every step of the way in any way possible. As for today, after the week you have had I was amazed to see you sitting on the sofa and being able to talk. From the scariest evening Monday to today is quite unbelievable and I’m so proud of you. You are doing great and you can only deal with each day. Don’t overdue the thinking and allow yourself to mend and get strong.
As for Egypt Trace….I will send you some pictures of sun for you. I thought my sisters request for photos of me enjoying holiday was strange, but my sister being my sister gets enjoyment and happiness from other people being happy. That’s what makes her so special. You will get a holiday in the sun next year…promise! X
I will get some head scarfs ordered tonight for you, that can then be ticked off the list and I’m sure mum will help pack you a hospital bag. Just ask your friends with any help on this long list you have as I know they will be happy to help to take the stress away from you.
Will miss you over the next week but I know you are in the best hands of your hubby. Keep in touch when you feel up to it on whatsapp 🙂 love you so much, big hugs, and I so hope you start to feel a bit better day by day. & rest rest rest xxx
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💗….brave lady….keep going x
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Dear Tracey
Reading this from afar and feeling a little bit closer to you… You have one hell of a battle ahead of you but I know you can do this with your incredible inner strength and the love and support of your wonderful family and friends.
I hope your blog gives you an outlet for your thoughts and feelings and, I have no doubt that it will also help support others going through a similar journey to yours.
You are one of life’s givers and I know that you always put everybody else before yourself…. Well now is the time for that to change.
Rest whenever you get the chance, take any help that is offered and don’t be afraid to ask when you need more support – practical or emotional.
You are a fighter Tracey and you WILL beat this.
Much love
Nicole x
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HI there
I am one of the March Marvels and am struggling with this whole thing. I am 48 , a dancer, fit, slim and eat a brilliant diet already. My son (16) also asked why me when I am so healthy compared to everyone else. I also have 3 kids ( all boys 16,12 and 9) so we have lots in common. I was brought up in Essex and my parents still live in Holland- on Sea.
We are all going through such a difficult time and I am have too many thoughts whirling round my head all the time. I seem to do nothing but think about BC.
Thank you for your blog. I haven’t started yet and I am dreading it all. Just want to fast forward to Christmas…..and I have never whished my life away before.
Take it easy…..
Nikki x
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