Friday 5th June 2015

Today I woke up still feeling like a baby elephant had slept on me still! My whole core body – mostly the right side and my arm is so stiff and sore – 10 times worse than one of Heidi’s most intense yoga flow sessions. Takes a few hours to loosen up but I’m doing my ‘gentle’ boring exercises and really hope this helps. Can’t wait to be able to swim again but need to wait til about 4/6 weeks post op, depending. I am being a good patient and doing everything I am told. I just want to get better as soon as possible. Can’t believe it’s 9 days since op and I feel sort of OK I suppose, considering what I’ve been through!

sleeping-elephant

Yesterday I had a lovely day with my mum, sister and darling niece Amora. The sun was shining and we rested, ate and chatted – felt so good. Here’s to many more fun days of almost normality!

Managed a lovely gentle walk in the rain with Phil and the dogs this morning. I’ve been getting a bit of cabin fever so this helped loads. I am very tired though and feel a lot older than my age at the moment.

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Flowers, presents, cakes and food are really helping – thank you so much friends and family – you are all brilliant and such a support and we are so very grateful.

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Feeling the desperate need to buy some gold sandals and a new swimsuit too! Have been looking at holiday brochures again – my focus at the moment is to get better to be able to get away on holiday with my family – we are so going to need it – somewhere warm, nice beach and sea, food and pool! Maybe Spain in September, all depends on next weeks results – everything depends on next weeks results!

They must be dissecting every bit of the killer boob – wish I could see. Lewis wanted to look at some of the flesh under his microscope but we’re never allowed to keep anything. Maybe one day he’ll be a scientist!

So back to last night, I slept well as I was shattered – was asleep by 8.30pm and I didn’t even wake up needing pain killers til 5am! Feels so good to have sleep. Can’t say I look like sleeping beauty though! Still try to avoid mirrors as best I can!

Today we had a phone call from the hospital to ask if we could get there earlier. I was very impressed by this organisation. So of course we dropped everything and shot up there. Phil chucked me out at the front of the hospital and he went to park so I didn’t need to walk. Walking hurts as the new boob is heavy and sore! Poor women out there who go for bigger – they must get bad backs! My armpit hurts the most though.

So all on schedule which was great and saw the wonderful Dr Chakravorty again – I am loving him more and more. He released me from my ball and chain drain! It felt so good. He also removed the steri strips from my stitches – I think my sewing club girls will be very impressed with the neatness – definitely a 10/10 so far for the boob. My armpit scar isn’t so great but I am sure it will fade – still very sore. Unfortunately I have some excess fluid which is making it very uncomfortable but my body should reabsorb this fluid. If it becomes unbearable they can drain it but I think I will heal quicker if I can persevere and in time I should heal fine. I’m just not the most patient person in the world! Am learning to be – I think it’s all those years of working in banking in London – everything has to be done yesterday and it’s left an impression!

Next Wednesday is when we find out more from the pathology report – hate waiting! So difficult not to worry. But hopefully I will continue to feel better day by day and keep myself busy until then.  It’s still a long journey to go but I really hope we are over the worst.  Maybe we can get back to some sort of normal over the summer – for a few weeks anyway.

Living on the high street I often look at people wandering about just getting on with their normal lives and wonder when ours will be normal again, or will it ever? Who knows, but hope so.  Cancer changes you forever in so many ways.

It’s so tough going through all this, not only for me but for all of my family and friends too. For close family you just have to cope and carry on with some sort of normal life – especially for the children – Nathan still has to do his GCSEs, Lewis and Freya still have to go to school and Phil still has to work and earn some money. House still needs cleaning and dogs need walking and we still need to eat! Other people imagine themselves in our position – it’s human nature – and they all help the best they can and we appreciate this so much. But it’s hard to really know what it’s like.

Lots of people have asked if they can share my blog. Of course you can and you don’t need to ask me! The reason I have done this and gone so very public is to help. Firstly my family, friends and teachers who need to support my children at school, but also to help every other person try and understand this journey of Breast Cancer. It’s getting there and people are gaining knowledge for their own health but there’s still a long way to go and the internet is a minefield. So please feel free to share my blog – as if it can help just one person and family it is so worth it.

 

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5 thoughts on “Friday 5th June 2015

  1. As your sister, I love you so much and always will. You are so amazing Tracey and I am so proud to be your sister. You are my best friend and I will always look up to you. It’s now our time to look after you x
    It’s so nice to see you have some happier days recently (except the op and pain) and see you smile. I know underneath all the pain, discomfort and worry about your future, it’s taken over your life, but you still try to be so positive and happy for others and you just find the strength to get on with ‘normal’ life.
    Seeing you on Thursday was wonderful and you know what….we hardly spoke about the cancer…and I bet that was lovely for you? I felt guilty when I got home because it almost felt like for a few hours everything was all ok and we were having a normal family day in your garden. It was only your fluffy bald head and you not rushing about that made me realise that you are going through this dreadful C. But you know what….it’s good to have normal days again and forget reality for an afternoon. Watching the girls laugh and bond, mum laughing with them, going through clothes, chatting like usual…..while you got me doing lunch and cutting up pinapple and watermelon with 3 different knives lol. You take life for granted and we are all guilty of that…..but like you say in your incredible blog, it makes you change the way you think about life and now puts all that stupid stuff into perspective.
    Anyway my lovely sis, you have been absolutely incredible fighting this cancer and the past 9 days of hellish pain and a super boob is a huge milestone. Now we have to cross everything for some good news next week on the results of the operation. I can’t put into words the hope I have that the news is positive and you can start planning ahead again and book a holiday to get you through the next stage of herceptin. Your are one strong lady Trace……you are an inspiration, beautiful inside and out…..you are a fighter and you will win! Love you my darling. Keep sleeping and repairing…it’s good! XxX

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  2. Hi Tracey, so lovely to see you on the school run today and still smiling!!!!. I got to finally give you that hug, i’ll give you an even BIGGER one when you are pain free, Watch out :-). So glad that you are up and about, enjoying walks and the sunshine. Swimming will come, just be patient, you and Freya can be mermaids again :-). Thinking of you always, take care hun, love Vikki, Ellie and Josh XXX♥

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  3. Tracey, you revealed boob in absolutely incredible. It’s so cleaver what they can do. You and mum have opposites now 😉 and no……I don’t want to join in the craze hee hee. It looks fantastic, great shape and the scar in so neat. I have some amazing bee wax that in time will be great for the scar. After 2 years my double scar below is brilliant. The tingling and numbness will ease in a year to. Just time……again. But honestly I’m shocked how good this is and you are so open to show it and help other wome out there in your position that can’t find the photos to show them. Well done. Enjoy the sun….maybe factor 50 soon. Love you xxx

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  4. Tracey you write so well & I am following your blog & fb page with personal interest having had breast cancer myself, my scars healed brilliantly in the end, I used Bio Oil which really helped it fade. They would have been perfect but unfortunately due to others medical problems I have a poor immune system & therefore got a bad infection causing an abscess other wise my op would have been perfect! I have odd boobs as the surgery & radio therapy shrunk my boob so I have a melon & a grapefruit but at my age have not bothered to do anything about it & the love of an amazing husband can make you feel so good about yourself you do not worry! I have had cellulite twice in my cancer boob & asked recently would I be better to have it removed completely but Dr Taylor thinks not . You are quite an inspiration. Fingers crossed for you on Wednesday! Maggie

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